30/10/24 ☆ being a functional adult is hard, but i'm taking the fight well!

This month, this year, at 20 years old, i got a job. it's great! /srs. I also got more involved with some social works about the experience of being a trans person in my region wich has been pretty open eyeing for me, as i'm just now coming out of the closed irl regarding my gender expression.

the experience of working is a lot less scary than i expected, but my work is just 4hrs a day so...i might be biased. it's kind of a trainee type of work so i'm just learning a lot everyday! being social with different people really put down most of my insecurities and prejudices i might have had at the start of everything. overall i'm getting home everyday with a new perspective on some stuff.

speaking of social movement stuff, new members have e entered my circle of transmasculine people and they teached so much in so little time, it's crazy.

being trans and not-passing at all have put me in some real embarassing situations, whereas now i'm kinda desperate to change my name legally and start hormones bcs i'm tired and kinda mad at cis ppl degrading (on purpose or not) my identity that i have been accepting to myself for the last 10 years. i hope this feeling will get away and disphoria gotta stop kicking my ass lol.

just a life update that, while monotonous, it's all i've got going on ;P

25/09/24 ☆ being engaged with social causes is lonely

for the last few months i has been engaged with lgbtqi+ social causes because of a calling i had to help my local community on a deeper level. thus, i am now on many projects that are helping me really understand how and why things work the way they do here. there are a lot of things i'm still spooked and kind of naive about but the topic at hand is another.

right now my main focus is working with politics that surround neurodivergent trans people and how we can do much better for this community that is bigger than the majority want us to know and showcase.

to be 100% here, it's hard to get things through when no one cares, especially the people you are catering for; no one talks about how the trans community is toxic and full of prejudice with their own-- we can aways say that this is most definely the way our people have been dealing with the prejudice we suffered for the last decades and it's still going, but at some point we do have to start acknowledging how some filter this trauma and give it double to the people they think are less than them.

it's confusing how the lgbt+ community as a whole advocates for so many things but support so little of it in truthfullness, it may be just the brazillian community idk, but it gets lonely fighting through the sistem when the ones that should be at our side are just talking and talking and doing instagram feeds all the time. no one is bound to be engaged with politics, to some people is not their thing, i just think that we should support one another more.

21/09/24 ☆ new year, new me (late edition)

a whole lot of things happened this year, really, as i am in a better place now, i'm not that keen on revisiting it, just letting in the air that my studies went to shit and brazil is kind of slowly dying (fuck elon musk and "x" too i guess)

right now my interests changed kinda drastically since '23, i'm still obsessed with ambient music, but i really didn't expect to become a formula 1 fan at this point in life, gotta love sebastian vettel though.

i also really really like the flash and superman comics?? as a child i loved cartoons of these two but recently i got really hooked on the real deal and let me say that barry allen is babygirl and clark kent is boyfailure...gotta love them

overall life's just now getting ok for me to deal with it, music continues to be my anchor through it all and i never cease to think that art is my best friend. i love consuming things that give me feel of compassion, of love, of loss.. it's all so raw and confunsing and sincerely, sometimes problematic. but the thing with life is that i can't expect to know everyting that comes and goes, just hope for the best..the drama of being.

anyways to anyone who may read this, yall can expect new music blog atts! got a lot to talk about there. though i'm not going to revamp durango anytime soon, i think there's some stuff i might bring here for a change, let's see how it goes. take care!

26/11/23 ☆ new layout oh em geee

i was originally planning to do another page for durango buut, with this and thaat...i got the idea to make my diary page some type of blank canvas ? for me to put cool and funny stuff i like.

it's like, super duper simple rn, but that's the plan! as of now it has lola, nesquik the indie fashion icon, krystal from f(x) being silly and a cuute otter! because iloveottersandithinkyoushouldlovethemtoo!

the song i kind got it not realising it was a alternate version of sometimes from britney but? it kind of really fits?? so there it is. the messy room of viter! love it, hate it. it's cool for me :D

19/11/23 ☆ life is beautiful! we got jams to spare! ...but why is it so hot?!?!?

i got some pretty strong feelings on me these days, i don't even know why, or how...it just happened with a blink of an eye. and some tinder conversation, too, but that's a story i want to bury on the grounds of Hell. thank you.

also got some looks on this week that me as a child would be very proud of, so i'm just pointing this out for slayage reminders idk!

got pretty crazy on studying this past weeks or so, that's maybe why durango is so empty rn...

WHY.IS.IT.SO.HOT.?.

my house is like a frying pan right now, everywhere is so hot and humid and not comfortable to breathe at. all. it's crazy.

fuck the gorvenment of the united states, btw. they know what they are doing. free palestine, too. fuck zionism.

support palestinian artists! the next music log is going to be about that! please let's support them and donate to the cause.

this was just a short post to say that i am going back to update durango a bit more frequently, and that with the climate state rn, i might dissapear often...but we'll heal, and surely, one day, everyone will be free.

03/11/23 ☆ thoughts on my future and some music i listened to alot this month

this month came with a lot of surprises, initially i thought it would be just the same draining daily life of every other day but..it was different!

i discovered the reasons and real story behind my trauma, overcame it nd i think this is most ready for real life i've ever been. now, i want to move from my parents house (but still live with their financial help...sad) and have something for me, without my past enprisioning me from it.

my famly doesn't think i can make it, as i am neurodivergent with a need of extra help to live functionally...and i get it, it will be tough work to deal with all of it alone, in another place, without much ppl to aid, but i want this with every fiber of my body, and only i, me and myself seem to get it??

on another topic already... i discovered a passion on the t.i career path!

with my adventures discovering how to code, what is css and html, etc,, i found that i really like making this? i obviously am not the best at it, but the fun and drive to learn i'm getting from this on the past year really made me think. i am even searching unis to get something in the computer science major!

my biggest drive on it is learning how codes work, the line of thinking behind them and their construction as a whole! it's super cool and my pretention is working with lang to create one myself on the far future!

it will not be easy, with all that i know rn it can be tricky to enter this type of stuff, but afterall, what are these youtube lessons if not to better yourself as an begginer and senior on the industry? i need to try!!

an artist i really liked this month was Janis Ian, her songs have so much baggage and love, oh the love,,, gets you to some funny places, no? and this singer knows how to deliver the journey we have with all the love we contain so, so well..

thinking of love, she has some beautiful stuff about it, her teenage years and the longing of everything she could've ever had. it could be some type of sad story from our outside view, but here it just gives you the insight on how it is to be her, the hardship to be a woman with such dense feelings on every single thing she lived through.. i simply am loving her discography! the first ones i listened were these: Stars and Between The Lines. i really need to get through her history though... it must be so interesting, just by her lyrics i can guess it is.